top of page
Search

Attachment Science: How Early Bonds Shape Adult Relationships

  • Sarah Ryan, MHC-LP
  • 27 minutes ago
  • 5 min read

Love is one of the most powerful forces we experience—but it’s not always simple. Romantic relationships can bring us joy and connection, but also pain, fear, and confusion. If you've ever felt overly preoccupied with questioning a partner’s investment in you or if you’ve struggled to let people get close, you’re not alone—and there are many possible reasons for this. 


Attachment Theory sheds light on the impact that our early significant relationships (with parents, caregivers, etc.)  have on the patterns and dynamics that may show up in our relationships later in life, especially within our most significant and intimate relationships.



What Is Attachment Theory?


Attachment theory explains how what we learn to expect from our caregivers early in life shapes our expectations and behaviors in future relationships. As children, we develop strategies to get our emotional needs met—these become our attachment styles, according to the theory. Often without even being aware of it, we carry these patterns into adulthood. These patterns tend to show up most intensely in romantic and other “high stakes” relationships, where our primary attachment figure shifts from a caregiver to a partner (or other significant other).


Attachment styles generally fall into two categories: secure and insecure. People with a secure attachment style typically feel confident expressing their needs, trusting others, and balancing healthy independence with emotional closeness. These traits support their ability to form and maintain healthy, intimate relationships. According to The Attachment Project, around 66% of people in the U.S. have a secure attachment style, while around 34% have an insecure attachment style.


The good news? Your attachment style isn't fixed. Some people experience different attachment styles within different relationships or during different periods of their lives. Even if you tend toward insecure attachment based on your developmental experiences, it is possible to move toward secure connections with others through increasing awareness, intention, and support.


Secure Attachment


How does secure attachment develop? It typically begins in childhood, when caregivers are consistently warm, emotionally attuned, and responsive to the child’s needs. These early experiences teach us that we are worthy of love, that our emotions are valid, and that others can be trusted. People with this style tend to have positive views of themselves and their relationships, can communicate effectively about emotions, and are able to seek and provide support appropriately.

But not everyone receives this kind of foundation—and that’s where insecure attachment styles can develop.


The Three Insecure Attachment Styles


Anxious Attachment


Anxious attachment typically develops in childhood environments where caregivers are emotionally inconsistent; sometimes attentive and other times unavailable. This creates a pattern where children become hypervigilant about maintaining connection. Children learn that their needs may or may not be met, creating uncertainty about whether they'll receive care and support. As a result, they develop strategies like heightened displays of distress, constant seeking of reassurance, and persistent worry about abandonment. 


Anxious attachment may also develop in children whose early caregivers were overprotective or intrusive, often because these caregivers were driven by their own anxiety. This anxiety can be transmitted to the child, preventing them from developing appropriate independence and autonomy. Although less common, factors such as physical or emotional abuse, or premature separation from a primary caregiver, can also contribute to the development of an anxious attachment style.


Adults with an anxious attachment style often crave closeness but fear rejection and abandonment, which can make them appear “clingy” or highly sensitive in relationships. They tend to have low self-esteem and may struggle with self-worth. People with this style often worry their partners don't reciprocate their feelings and may become overly dependent within relationships.



Avoidant Attachment

Avoidant attachment (sometimes referred to as ‘dismissive’ attachment)  typically develops in childhood environments with emotionally distant, rigid, or dismissive caregivers who discourage emotional expression or dependence. These caregivers may be emotionally unavailable and withdraw when the child seeks comfort, affection, or reassurance. Children learn early on that they cannot rely upon others to get their needs met. These individuals often learn to suppress their emotions and “fend” for themselves, becoming very independent and self-reliant.  

While they might appear social, fun, or confident—and may have many friends or sexual partners—they tend to keep others at arm’s length, struggling with trust, true emotional intimacy and vulnerability. As relationships deepen, avoidantly attached individuals may shut down or withdraw to protect themselves from perceived threats to their autonomy, which may lead to loneliness. They often have high self-esteem and do not typically seek reassurance or emotional support from others.



Disorganized Attachment


Disorganized attachment (sometimes referred to as ‘fearful-avoidant’ attachment) is basically a combination of the anxious and avoidant attachment styles. This attachment style often arises from early experiences of trauma, fear, or severely inconsistent caregiving—sometimes involving abuse or neglect. This style can develop when a child’s caregivers—who are meant to be a source of safety—also become a source of fear. When caregivers behave in unpredictable, contradictory, or erratic ways, the child is left unsure of what to expect and whether their needs will be met at all.


As a result, the child may develop a fragmented attachment pattern, combining both anxious and avoidant tendencies. They may simultaneously crave closeness and fear it, leading to confusion and inner conflict and a “push-pull” dynamic in relationships.

Adults with a disorganized attachment style may struggle with self-trust, emotional regulation, and interpersonal consistency. It’s considered the most complex of the insecure attachment styles and often coexists with mental health challenges such as PTSD, anxiety, and/or mood disorders.



The Path to Secure Attachment


As previously mentioned, attachment styles can shift and evolve over time. 

Although your early environment influences how you relate to others, healing is entirely possible—especially within safe, supportive relationships, including therapy. One of the most powerful tools for developing a secure attachment style is the therapeutic relationship itself, which can model trust, consistency, and emotional safety—the essential ingredients for “corrective” emotional experiences and relational healing.





Over time, therapy can help individuals:

  • Recognize and understand their attachment patterns

  • Practice new ways of relating to others

  • Regulate emotions more effectively

  • Rebuild self-esteem and internal safety


Evidence-Based Therapeutic Tools for Attachment Work


While every person’s healing process is unique, some helpful approaches include:



Where Do I Start?


A great first step is to take a reputable attachment style quiz to better understand how you show up in relationships. From there, self-reflection, journaling, and talking to a therapist knowledgeable about attachment theory and the various attachment styles can help you move toward more intentional and secure connections.


You can’t change the past—but you can create more security in the present.

And if you're working on healing from past relational wounds, know this: you don’t have to do it alone. At Live Your Truth Counseling, we’re here to support you toward deepening your self-understanding, developing new relationship patterns, and creating space for meaningful connection in your life. 




Sources:


Comments

bottom of page